Jess

are not fun.

i just want to have fun but...




i cant afford ANYTHING. not even my phone.

serious relationships:3
serious failures:3

but hey, whos counting. better yet, who cares.

Your emotions are a stumbling block, and this can menace your health. Repressed anger, grudges, and painful rememberances can ultimately be reflected in a serious mental and emotional syndrome.

Emotional obsession, depression, severe anxiety, and a variety of gastrointestinal disorders can be deleterious to your well-being and bring you to a state of mere functioning.

Compulsive eating and escape-oriented drinking can also wreak havoc with your health and make you even more gloomy.

You're your own worst enemy; theres no doubt about it. You're at the mercy of your moods, a slave to your sensitivities, and a miserable victim of the full moon. You're so insecure that you live your life from a place of defense, conjecture, and downright suspicion. You overcompensate, weave masochistic fantasies, and suffer in a self-created drama that pits you against the world. Your sympathies are exerted in your own direction because you feel you need them far more than anyone else.

Your emotions batter you about until there is nothing left but one weepy woman who wants to be left alone to choke and drown in her own tears. However if it happens to be a day when you feel more irritable than melancholy, you might massacre someone else's feelings with one savagely sarcastic comment that comes down like a swift blow to the brain. Instantaneously, you can turn into a cold, critical barracuda. However, while one very innocent victim is left blubbering and berating himself for what he must have done to cause such a cruel comment, what he doesnt realize is that it's displaced anger releasing itself. More than likely, you're really mad at your mother because she told you last week that your haircut was horrendous.

When really provoked, you can get hysterical and throw the kind of tantrum that tempts a bystander to give you anything that you want just to buy some peace. What often induces such behavior on your part is that you entertain the momentary belief that you cant cope. And what usually makes you feel you cant cope is the feeling that you are an alien in a world indifferent to your needs.

You have a penchant for falling in love with the kind of man who can never make up his mind - about you. Usually everything else is quite clear to him. He knows how he feels about his mother, his great-aunt, his job, his boss, his secretary, his ex-wife, his first girlfriend when he was twelve, and his dog. But you...the brow furrows, the ebullient enthusiasm drops off to a few dragged out monosyllables, the corneas get cloudy, and the phrases become dangerously uncommitted. Suddenly you feel like an anxiety-ridden dinner guest with a dish of inedible food in front of you and no hungry dog sitting under the table. You stand there holding your breath as he bends over to tie his shoes, hoping fervently that when he stands up, he'll say something. He does. Good-bye.

To make up for this kind of scoundrel, who is not above absconding in the middle of the night while you go to the bathroom, you bitterly take your hostility out on some other poor innocent fellow trying his best to make a good impression but failing miserably. For instance: he talks too much (because you're making him a nervous wreck). Ultimate decision: He's a self-centered slob.

There is still the relationship in which you are enslaved because you get mixed signals. At this point, the man would rather see less of you than his German Shepherd. However, when you are together, he smiles a lot, is terribly amusing, and really makes it seem as if he wants to be there. The next morning, it always seems that he has a tennis match, most evenings he spends "working", on your birthday he always has a date (needless to say, its not with you), and when he doesnt even call, nevermind send a card, you tell your friends that he means well. He does - to himself.

Too often, you become enslaved in situations where the level of human warmth just barely exceeds that of an institution for the criminally insane. When you stubbornly clutch at what's worst for you, without considering what you're really doing to yourself, you create an unfortunate personal injustice that may take years to rectify in your own mind. Try to remember that in the end, you have to be your own mother, father, husband, sister, brother, and best friend. When you give yourself the security you're seeking from other people, you're stronger and more successful in your demands, and less willing to settly for what you dont want, just to have something. Face your life with the calm assurance that its all coming to you as quickly as you can learn to take it.

i did it. i finally ended everything for good. no more phone calls, no more texts, no more communication, no more attachment. im supposed to feel good, right? except im sitting here crying.

im not old in any sense but its really strange to hear about/see kids youve known since they were babies, all grown-up and about to go to college. and when i go to work and im inputing kids who were born in like, 2002, its really mind-boggling.

by the way, my itunes is so awesome right now. ive become one of those people who lay on the floor, listening to music. except i dont have records or cds surrounding me, just my laptop and speakers instead of headphones.

but some people really deserve a kick in the face. or in their overly large cleavage as the case may be.

things i look for in a guy:
1. isnt an exboyfriend
2. hasnt hooked up with any of my friends
3. isnt interested in hooking up with any of my friends
4. isnt interested in only sex
5. hasnt hooked up with any of the dirty bitches i hate
6. isnt gangsta or scene
7. isnt already a friend of mine
8. isnt someone any of my friends are interested in
9. is single
10. looks good naked